Wolf's Oath | About Me
Waiting For The Perfect One...For Me
Like Adam, I saw that all other creatures around me were pairing up, and I wondered where was my suitable companion. Like many of the creatures around me, I thought that I had to look for someone, approach her, ask her out, and after dating for a while, we would consider whether we'd like to stay together for a lifetime or not. If so, we would then get engaged, have a big wedding, buy a house, have kids, and live happily ever after. I however lacked confidence to take that next step with my female friends, because I feared rejection. And, yet, I wanted it so bad, that it truly hurt. Then there was the question, how many times would I have to do this to find the one for me to marry? Remember, I was afraid to take the first step to what might end up in rejection, once; truly I wasn't willing to go through this several times.
Some fellow creatures tried to comfort me with the old clichés: 1) just be yourself, 2) there is someone out there for you, 3) when you stop looking she will show up, and 4) when you're ready she will come. About #1, I was being myself and it was not working. About #2, where did I need to go to look for her? About #3, I could not stop looking. About #4, will I ever be ready?
In the meantime, I wanted desperately to connect with a woman how would be my partner. I felt sad, lonely, and broken hearted. I had heard stories from individuals who claimed they had prayed for a mate, and God answered their prayer, affirmatively. They were thoroughly happy with whom God had chosen for them. While I was happy for them, I did not pray for myself about this. It did not help, that one of my professors, a Christian, said, “God does not chose your mate.” I was now conflicted. Who would I believe? Many years passed by. I was meditating on some life events. God then showed me how he had providentially put some couples together. God brought their spouses to them. At that moment I wondered if He would do it for me. I looked in my mind at the evidence. At that moment, I prayed, “Lord, whomever You have for me, I will accept.” Since then God has taken me on a journey of Faith that defies comprehension. Since then He has taught me what it truly means to wait on Him.
Although, I had given up my right to go out and look for someone, I was always wondering if the next person I met would be the one. In 1994, He gave me a promise that would carry me through until today and beyond. He promised me I would get married, she would be Chinese, and her name would be Elizabeth. Elizabeth means in Hebrew, God is my promise or oath. This was confirmed through other fellow believers. Other questions would arise and be answered in time. One was if there was an opportunity, could I still date someone while I waited for Elizabeth? What about sexual purity? Where do I draw the line? What would I tell people if they asked me about seeing someone or dating? What is the difference between dating and courting? I could not ignore these questions and leave it like that. God in time has answered all these questions. I have not liked all the answers. However, God loves me and wants what is good for me. It has not been easy to accept His ways. I must admit that in the long run His ways have worked out better than what Man has to offer. To the many who still struggle with the same issues I can share what God is doing for me. My prayer is that they understand God can do it for them also.
Through my sister, God let me know I was betrothed to Elizabeth. In God's eyes I am already married to her. A few years back, I heard a radio show where a young fellow was talking about something I thought was revolutionary: “Dating is not biblical.” Although people responded, I could tell they were not ready to accept his message. The dating thing was exciting and thrilling to them and they did not want to let go. My sister was teaching a psychology class. In her textbook, it gave a definition of dating that was disturbing. It defined dating as a practice that adults do in order to have sex. Dating is a modern and western concept. Older civilizations and some western old money families still arrange marriages. God showed me I was to court Elizabeth, not date her. Courting is similar to dating in that you go out and do things together. But unlike dating, there is no physical intimacy and it is done with the intention of marrying that person at a preset date.
One Sunday morning I went to visit a friend. I tuned the car radio to a Christian station. The topic sounded interesting. I listened intently. The guest was Joshua Harris. A young Pastor that had written the book, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.” (This was the young man that talked about dating.) Finding out about this was providential. For the first time I heard someone address the concerns I had regarding this topic. He was honest and brave enough to come out in the open and talk about it. I wrote the information down and told all I could about it. I discovered I was not alone in this dilemma. Many others were suffering like me. Joshua brought four points in his book that still stay with me. One, if dating is OK, why the pain and broken hearts? Two, if your belief regarding sexual purity is, “How far can I go and still be pure?” You are no longer sexually pure. Pure water has no impurities. A particle of dust makes that water impure. Three, the concept of “Hustle while you wait.” Get busy with knowing the Lord, praying, studying His word, and doing His will. I heard a friend give a talk on being single and Christian. At the end of His talk He said, “I live a full life as single.” Then I heard God tell me, “So do you.” Four, in Joshua's understanding courting was more in line with the Biblical principal than dating was. He was not taking any more chances. When God brought him his wife, they courted.
God lead me to get the book, “Every Man's Battle : Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time ,” to deal with the issue of sexual impurity. I discovered in this book that I am not alone in this quagmire. I also discovered that if I am willing God gives me the victory over sexual sin. I also realized that my fear of rejection was God given. This fear kept me from accumulating hurtful memories of failed relationships. God spared me from all that pain.
It has been a long road. And, there is still a way to go. I am still hustling while I wait. Which is a good thing. I discovered that in order to be involved in a relationship I would have to give up some of the things I am involved in. I indeed live a full life in the Lord. When He is ready for me to give up something, the Lord's promise will show up.
Raul Diaz 7/3/2004
God and Marriage. A beautiful devotional about Isaac and Rebeca.